Drejer Brandstrup (BrandtOliver77)

It is now been over twelve months since we met. The Sheik and I. A few month ago, I tried a new angle to view our relationship: Live for today, because one cannot predict tomorrow. In other words, enjoy the moments now even though the future is undetermined. It sounded great in theory, however reality kicks in. I am starting shed my mind. I happen to suppressing all my views. Ensa al alamwe literally have forgotten the world, the realities of life in the recent months together. We are indeed happy and growing closer every day. As we all close, a part of me dies inside. Our growing love will mean the growing hate that is to come. Quarreling has began. I start it. I pour out all my views. Tears fall and our wet faces mash together in an emotional take up. I have tried to be strong. I have tried to assert some power, but I have realized I am so weak. I tell him to leave.but he wont leave me. Our relationship has a shelf-life. There are a couple more years, and then it will expire. There will be a generous transaction that has existed the entire amount our relation. I am grateful for it, definitely sometimes feels insulting when money is used to make up for a future. They know I love him beyond my profession, yet I'm still the courtesan. That i used to think the monetary riches could compensate for the wholesome things he cannot give me (family, children, home), but no bill can save me produced by this pain. I could demand anything I want as of this point, yet I tend not to. What I want are not things.what I want is something beyond any material I want our future. And he loves us now, because its convenient now. Yet us in future tense can never turn into. Political barriers to our union, and cultural problems. I could wait until the expiration date, and find how/if he fights against these barriers. But would They say ..”Love is Stronger than Pride..” hope when chances against us? Some say I should enjoy the moments now, but I crave the impossible. I crave a familys blessings and family surroundings, and being surrounded by child. We are so deeply isolated in our delight in. I watched a film recently. A French/Arabic film, titled Rajah. I cried immensely. The film depicts a hapless woman who's trying to leave her life as a prostitute. Shed like to find honest work, and she does. She yearns for honest love too, and she gets that too. Only later, this honest man ends up being like the others a working man loving her while neglecting her of her dignity at the same the time. The Sheik loves myself. I can end it, and suffer now. The Myth of a “Loose” Woman who wont stop the chase. Perhaps he knows my weakness, and he plays my addiction, friend not. When I threaten to bail, he panics. He can have any woman he wants, but he submits to all of my desires and, ironically (being a Saudi male), he caters to me, lady. He treats me with utmost importance, love, and respect. Is it a farce, or does it include his helplessness? My ex-fiance gave up his life to be around me, and I rejected him. He was desirous to give me love, family, a home, and minors. Now, I yearn for a future with a man who will never compromise his life for our love. I keep musing about it.a dream that has no destination.